interviewtheproletariat
Teen Mom

Written by

Teen Mom – I Wanna Go Out

Not that kind of Teen Mom. Who has a sick fetish like that? Freak. Anyway, Teen Mom! I threw questions at Chris Kelly, member of the band, and he took to them with aplomb. Or a plum. Either way, here’s what I asked and here’s how he answered and that’s that.

Whenever I search your band’s name, I get a lot of shit about Teen Mom, the godawful television show about entitled brats with kids. When you picked Teen Mom as a name, did you think about that at all? Since starting, have you been mistaken for pregnant 16-year-olds?

We mainly decided on calling ourselves Teen Mom because we thought it was kind of funny. We never watched the show, though. One time – which is kind of funny – The Washington Post columnist Dana Milbank had a piece on Sept. 11 about how the day isn’t this sacred event anymore. We happened to be playing a show that night and he called us out to make his argument (my god, even a band called “Teen Mom” is playing a ROCK SHOW on Sept. 11! Oh, what a world!) so we’ve got beef with him, but it’s all cool because, as you mentioned, The Post also called us DC’s greatest living [fuzz] trio.

Right. The Post did call you the “district’s greatest living fuzz trio.” How excited were you about that? Were many high-fives and retweets exchanged?

Well, when something like The Post gives you a shout out it’s really exciting – although I’m not sure how many fuzz trios there are in this town. Not many, for sure. But it was nice, definitely. I clipped the article. Something to show one’s grandparents.

I bet they’ll be proud. Now, tell me about the video for “I Wanna Go Out”. I mean, it’s great. It’s really adorable and nostalgia-tinged. How did the idea for that come about? Is it based off old experiences popping headphones on pretty girls and dancing slowly in frenzied lights?

Yeah, the video turned out pretty well. We didn’t have anything to do with it, though. Matt Carr, who runs the Analog Edition label that put out the Mean Tom EP, made it himself*. We had all been talking about making a video someday, but I love to talk and not do anything, so he took the initiative and did it. Thank goodness for that – people seem to like videos.

Especially when they’re lovely. DefaultMag says I shouldn’t ask you about Ireland. Now I really really want to. Can I? I think I will. What’s the deal with Ireland? We have an Irish writer on board (somewhere) so you’re safe if you want to blast it.

Ha ha, there isn’t any deal with Ireland. I think it’s just a joke among my friends because they all (Tom and Sean, the people they live with, our group of friends) went to William and Mary together and so have this shared history and friendship narrative from like 2005 . . . so college was when they all became close and stuff. I met them post-that, and while I don’t refuse to talk about my time at school, it just never seemed relevant or interesting. I find talking about my life very boring, but if something seems appropriate or interesting, I’ll say it.

Speaking of interesting, In Your Speakers said something goes “terribly wrong” with ‘Say My Name’. How do you fare with criticism? When you set out with songs, what’s your process as a trio? Do some of you take the lead on certain things, or is it a collaborative effort from start to finish? Are there many arguments?

It was a nice change, because [I think] that was the first time we had real criticism. You get to thinking that there’s some conspiracy (how can all these different people have such similar opinions? Perhaps they’re all the same person!) so I enjoyed reading the bad news from In Your Speakers (a website I had never heard of before). I mean “terribly wrong” is kind of hyperbolic, right? It’s a song, y’all, not the Titanic or something. But maybe they’re right – maybe I could’ve done something differently, maybe it is a bit lazy.

Then again, pop music is very formulaic and follows and builds upon rules from circa-1950 so what’s a man to do? I just wrote it. Our songwriting process is pretty simple. I write the song by myself and then introduce it to the guys (either by making a home demo on Garage Band or just playing during a practice) and they write their own parts and sometimes the song changes a bit (tempo, parts get moved around) and my home demos sound very different from the final product, but it’s a pretty easy process.

There aren’t many arguments. Sometimes we’ll disagree about what sounds good but usually things work out in the end. Time fixes everything.

* The footage from the music video for “I Wanna Go Out” is taken from 1980 French comedy La Boum – when guys still did cute things like pop headphones on a cute girl’s head.

[Mean Tom EP.]

You say I’m nothing I’m not

Written by

rope tie

Low – Just Make It Stop

I’m not a blasphemer, more of a blastibia.

[The Invisible Way.]

STILL IMAGE

Written by

[Burn Again.]

The good half live in arrogance

Written by

[Control.]

A lie for a single pageview

Written by

The perfector of being distracted when someone is talking to you, but just slightly – super slightly.

Lovestreams – Shock Corridor

“When people think of “confessional” or “intimate” music, they often picture a guy fingerpicking an acoustic guitar, but I think sitting and whispering into your computer is even more weirdly intimate, or has the potential to be.”

I imagine Will Sheff alone in the dark. I imagine him hunched over. I imagine him whispering into a computer microphone, those old ones from the ’90s, white and plastic. I imagine that the room is windowless. I imagine him sitting for days, whispering steadily, sadly, his back beginning to ossify in its hunched position. I imagine a single stained bulb. I imagine that his hair grows, but otherwise the scene remains permanent throughout eternity, outside heaven or hell, just one windowless room in which Will Sheff whispers forever and ever, his hair growing shaggy and imperceptibly.

[Lovestreams.]

You know those girls

Written by

[Millions.]

8mm and 16mm

Written by

[Crazy Is.]

I’ll pretend, I’ll pretend

Written by

cat and mouse

The Joy Formidable – Cradle

There is a mouse in my kitchen.

My roommate alerted me to this fact. She knocked on my door while I was writing, requesting that I end the wee tim’rous beast’s life.

A number of thoughts ran through my head.

  •   I look awful in a t-shirt and an old pair of soccer shorts. My hair is a mess because I slept on it. Not that it matters, since she’s my roommate and I have a rule about this sort of thing and I’m entirely certain she’s not interested, but she is also a quite attractive young woman of about my age who has a cute French accent, being as she is from a part of France that produces cute accents in attractive girls in their early 20s. It would be nice to not look like a lazy slob.
  •   I am the kind of person who prefers his first contact with dead animals to come between two sesame seed buns and slathered in barbecue sauce. I do not hunt, despite having had opportunities to learn, and I generally avoid picking up dead animals if I can help it.
  •   I need to fucking move.

She cited my gender in her assertion that I should kill it. I reminded her that this is the 21st fucking century; she can kill her own goddamn mouse.

I did, however, take the opportunity to scare the shit out of her. She had seen the mouse run under the dishwasher, so we got the broom and started poking under there. I yelled; she flipped out; I rolled on the floor laughing.

Abandoning the grand hunt, I returned to my room to continue working.

The mouse came back.

This time, it was not scurrying along the floor, but invading the much more sacrosanct area of the counter. I was called in again, being the bloodthirsty hunter that I am. It had apparently found some space between the stove or behind the microwave or something. She armed us with pasta colanders to trap the creature.

Naturally, I use the tension to scare the shit out of her again. Because it’s funny, and because I’m an asshole.

In the midst of this though, I think maybe I sorta kinda maybe saw something brown move across the stove in my peripheral vision. We carefully move away the items on the side of the counter where I believe it may have run to.

Nothing.

We move the microwave. Nothing.

At this point, I make the decision to cede the kitchen to the mouse. It has won two battles. It will surely bring reinforcements. We will survive on dried and canned foods only. We will walk around the house if we wish to access the back patio. We will no longer use the restroom past the kitchen. Besides, the water runs in the toilet if you don’t jiggle the handle right, and we rarely remember to do so, and I’m sure that’s not good for the utilities bill. It is a tenuous peace for now, but if we respect his lands, perhaps it can last.

[The Big Roar.]

Clouds and cream

Written by

[Sticky Fingers.]

Our new world guidelines
(not rules!)

Written by

LI-ON GREVIER – When All Hope Has Wanned

Hey guys and girls,

Guess what? This is our post-apocalypse! The Mayan calendar really did end! Forget the world as you know it. It’s over. This is our time now. I know it’s confusing: there were no raging hails of brimstone and no wingless angels falling slumped to the earth and no swarms of locusts or African killer-bees pockmarking our pristine, L’Oreal‘d skin. However, don’t be fooled. It is happening. We are soaked in the gasoline now. We are waiting for a struck match to be held to our cuffs, our arms ablaze. Fiery collared shirts windmilling in the streets. Together we are Patient Zero. Sitting, each of us, on Ground Zero. One collective digit. So to this, I propose a few New World guidelines (not rules — I’m not the ruler, I mean, unless you guys wanna vote me in as the ruler and, if so, well, okay, I guess, but don’t feel any pressure or anything):

  •   Let’s adopt a universal language. Just so you could, like, call Somalia or something and be all, “Yo! Somalia! What is up?” and there wouldn’t any confusion or whatever. Maybe call it Humanglish or Peoplese or something.
  •   I propose we strike the term ‘celebrity’ from our New World lexicon. It’s a cruel word. The beginnings of social divide. It does us no good and in the long run will get really silly. We’ve seen this. Also, it is really hard to become a celebrity without resorting to nefarious means or plastic surgery or a sex tape.
  •   I’m unsure about this one, but we should probably be naked most of the time. Less shame. More titties. That might just be me, though.
  •   Everybody should watch The Shawshank Redemption when they’re cognitively aware. It’ll help with our ideas of friendship, justice, injustice, the importance of hope, and why Morgan Freeman should be the voice inside your head narrating your thoughts.
  •   We’ll have schools, right? I know people don’t necessarily like school but it’s important and, well, alright, if we have schools let’s stick to the important lessons: How To Play An Instrument, How To Deal With A Broken Heart Without Using That Instrument To Soundtrack Really Shitty Poetry, and How To Not Let That Adolescent Heart-Breaking Haunt You In Adulthood And Adversely Affect Every Mature Relationship You’ll Ever Attempt. Also: How To Make Scones (I still don’t know!)
  •   We shouldn’t bring our smartphones along when we hang out at parties. If your friend is texting you all night, well, they should have come to the party. It would have been fun! More importantly, it is too easy to ignore people looking to have a conversation when you have a Black Hole of Disinterest waiting to be pulled out of your pocket. Sometimes people are boring, I know, but maybe ask questions until there’s something there to talk about.
  •   This is more of a request: can we stop with ‘reality’ TV? Reality is everywhere. It feels weird putting it in a box. Go outside. Or stay indoors and talk to your sister or your partner (who is probably on his or her smartphone anyway) or play with your dog or something. Buddy is lonely.
  •   No rulers! My feigned disinterest earlier was a ruse! A clever ruse designed to trick you into thinking “Hey, maybe this guy should be the ruler! He seems to have some good ideas and a way with words and he is also very handsome!” I know, I know — it is hard to ignore. Alas, we must stay strong! We no longer need hierarchy. We will simply pin ideas to a message board (possibly the Great Wall of China, since I’ve always heard it can be seen from space and that could come in handy down the line) and when those ideas have run their course or are no longer socially relevant, we will simply unpin them! Easy! As our sensitivities change, so will our ideas! As long as they are for the betterment of our collective beauty and intelligence, we can not err!
  •   Above all: we oughta just be kind to one another.

If we follow these guidelines, our New World should be just dandy.

[LI-ON GREVIER.]