Customized profile

Written by

Cat Stevens – The First Cut Is The Deepest

Favorite emotion: Nostalgia

Most commonly felt emotion: Shame

Most analyzed emotion: Loneliness

Favorite color: Pink

Color of eyes: Gray

Color seen the moment eyes are closed tightly: Violet

Color grandmother mistakenly took as preferable and, as such, the hue of the curtains she purchased for a Christmas present, because those first few forays into sarcasm were lost on most/all: Brown

Amount of enjoyment gleaned from each glance at those hideously fecal-colored curtains, left hanging for years afterward: 68%

Amount of happiness the preteen version experienced overall: 82%

Amount of happiness left now: 42%

Amount of heart available to give a potential lover: 37% on a good day

Amount of cities lived in for at least the extent of a week in the past four months: 12

Number of months since the realization hit that a transient lifestyle is irrevocably damaging to even the sturdiest of relationships: Nine

Time left before a hometown is chosen and roots set: ???

Number of lies told about meaning behind tattoo, simply because the real one takes too long to explain in the normal flow of conversation: Three

Extrapolation of the total number of lies told about tattoo this year, given its age at two months: 18

What this makes you: Liar

Where liars go: Hell

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Marry me?

[Baby, I know.]

One Response to “Customized profile”

  1. Freeze says:

    I know the true tattoo story and, subsequently, the real reason twinkies exist.

Got something to say?