I may not have what you desire

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cig money

TW Walsh – Natural Causes (Yuuki Matthews Remix)

I get annoyed with how much continued existence costs. I should not have to spend this much money to stay alive. I have to feed myself two, sometimes three times, every day. It adds up. Every month, it’s the same barrage of bills: rent, electricity, internet, satellite, water. Every six months: car insurance, human insurance. Every year: license plate fees, taxes (not an insignificant amount for independent contractors), life insurance.

I don’t feel as though my life is cost effective. Not as in I don’t live frugally; I do. As in: the cost of continued existence is high enough for me to consider its worth. I could abandon the whole apartment thing, live on the streets as a bum, but daily worrying about my continued existence doesn’t appeal to me.

It has never been this way and it never will be this way, but in my head the following should come free: a place to sleep, enough food to sate me. In my head, whatever I earn through work should be profit, not just what’s left over after all the automatic payments vacate my bank account.

I wonder — given the choice before birth, knowing how much it would cost just to stay alive throughout my lifetime — if I would have chosen to splurge on existence.

[Songs of Pain and Leisure.]

One Response to “I may not have what you desire”

  1. Joan says:

    I had never come across T.W. Walsh before. Thanks, Zac.

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