Want you to lick my blood off your paws


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wolf howl

Songs: Ohia – Lioness

Do you know how Eskimos take care of a wolf problem? I heard this in a sermon illustration in middle school.

What they do is dip a sword or machete of some sort into a bucket of blood. Then they let it freeze. Then they dip it again. They repeat this until a thick coat of blood builds up around the blade. Then, at night, they stick the sword, hilt-first, into the snow and go to sleep.

The wolf’ll come by and sniff blood and take a closer look. She’ll lick it. Then she’ll lick some more. Soon enough the wolf is essentially deep-throating this thing and, like a freezy, it numbs her mouth. She doesn’t feel it when it starts cutting. She can’t taste the difference between the sword blood and her own blood. Eventually, with tongue and throat sliced to ribbons, she bleeds out, a pool of red and bloodlust on the white white white snow.

I told my mother this story in the kitchen once. She stopped me. “Why would you tell me that?” she asked. She didn’t want to know.

I was furious. How could someone willingly blind herself to a truth about the world? Here was a fact (I heard it in a sermon; it’s probably apocryphal). I couldn’t comprehend not collecting as much information about the earth’s workings as possible, regardless of squeamishness.

My mother probably doesn’t remember this. It was years ago now. As I age, graceful as dry heaving, I think about it semi-frequently. I’m coming round to her side.

There are certain things about the world I’d just rather not know.

[The Lioness.]

5 Responses to “Want you to lick my blood off your paws”

  1. TheBusiness,Man says:

    What was the actual point of the illustration?

  2. Zac says:

    Like all sermon illustrations that I remember, the larger point is lost to time. Undoubtedly it was some tangential point with the story crowbarred in because it sounded interesting.

  3. Melissa says:

    I once read (a probably incorrect) article that stated our modern diet – high in processed/preserved/chemically dense foods – caused our bodies to decay at a slower rate when we are buried. I told this to my mother (a nurse) and asked if she thought it might be true. She was horrified, and never did answer my question. The version of me I am now regrets saying it. 🙂

  4. Melissa says:

    Also, great song!

  5. Upasna says:

    Oh my goodness, that’s absolutely horrific! Nevertheless, I wouldn’t shy away from hearing such an account. Ignorance IS bliss, but wouldn’t you rather prevent something than completely deny its existence? You’d be better off in the end…

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